How To Be Popular (my true journey from nerd to Netflix host)

Once you start the conversation, congrats! The hardest part is done.

 However, that doesn’t mean you should just sit back and let the other person do all the work for you. If you don’t make sure to keep the other person engaged and ask thought provoking questions, it’ll be easy to let the conversation die.

 To that end, you can be an active listener and ask great questions based on their answers.

 When you watch people who are really socially skilled converse, they will ask a question, listen, and then make a statement based on that answer.

 If you’re still confused, a solid rule of thumb is to ask 2-3 questions and then make a statement as well.

 When you’re talking to someone, think to yourself, “Where can I add value? What connections can I draw between us?”

 Take a look at the two examples below. Can you see why one is bad and the other one is good?

 Bad example:

 You: “Where are you from?”

 Them: “Michigan.”

 You: “How long have you been there?”

 Them: “Two years.”

 You: “Oh, do you like it?”

 Them: “Yeah, I really like—”

 You: “What brought you here?”

 TERRIBLE. This conversation is entirely hypothetical and I’m still cringing. You’re not involving yourself in the conversation — and as a result, you’re not adding value. All this does is make you seem like someone who simply asks questions. Don’t do this.

 Good example:

 You: “Where are you from?”

 Them: “Michigan.”

 You: “Oh, I’ve been to Michigan before. I actually grew up in Phoenix but live in Chicago — pretty close by.”

 Them: “Oh, really? How long have you been there?”

 BOOM. Now you’ve successfully engaged this other person and established a connection with them — all by sharing something simple about yourself.

 #5: Don’t worry too much about body language

 People have come up with all sorts of weird tricks for improving your body language. Google “body language,” and you’ll learn all sort of interesting new words: mirroring, foot direction, power posing. Stuff nobody in the real world cares about or notices.

 The only thing you really need to remember is SETHE.

 Yes, named it after myself. No I don’t regret it for a moment. Why? Because the system WORKS. SETHE goes like this:

 Smile. If you’re not used to smiling, it can feel totally unnatural. Practice letting your smile “fill your face.” I used to videotape myself speaking to find out I wasn’t smiling enough. It gets easier once you start practicing.

• Energy. Take whatever level you’re at, and add 50% more energy into your voice and movement. What feels weird to you is NORMAL to everyone else.
• Talk slowly. Slow down what you’re saying by 50%. It will feel sluggish, but this is perfect for everyone else. Enunciate your words to help slow down. Young Ramit got way ahead using this one tip.
• Hands. Experiment with your hands to find your comfort zone when speaking. How do you feel when you leave yourself more “open,” or gesture more?
• Eye contact. Study how socially skilled people use eye contact. How long do they look at someone? Where do they look after disconnecting? By testing, you’ll find what works for you.